Stole this from GOC.
A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.
Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney".
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Friday, November 18, 2005
Martel Electronics Sucks
Martel makes the Dash Hound vehicle video system. It's a dash-mounted camera, basically a Sony handi-cam, an electronics control box and a mount that has a suction cup that mounts to the windshield, and 2 straps to secure it in place. It's fuckin' junk.
Before I took this job, someone ordered these monstrosities because they were cheap, about $1400 per unit. Ever hear the old adage "you get what you pay for"? This is a prime example. Did I mention they're fuckin' junk? Not to mention shitty customer service. They won't even return my calls. Their motto ought to be "Once you buy it, you're on your fuckin' own, pal."
In my business, I've dealt with a few vehicle camera systems.
Kustom Signals' Eyewitness camera: Though rather clunky (got a full sized VCR in a vault in the trunk) and a pain in the ass to install, it's a workhorse and almost impossible to kill. Short of putting a bullet through the damn thing. They even have a vault that is bullet- and fire-proof. They now have a digital system with a rear-facing infrared camera on the headliner mount control panel that can keep an eye on the arrestee(s) in the back seat. Comes with choice of hard drive or DVD drive and have a pretty small front facing camera so it doesn't block your view. They have a lot of options. Plus they look cool. I've never had a problem with these systems, save operator error.
Decatur Electronics Gemini system: It's a good system, it's small and easy to put in and maintain. Just gotta keep the cops from losing the keys to the compartment that houses the recorder. The digital system has a touch screen display, which in my experience is a big no-no. Cops and firefighters are not known for their gentleness with their equipment.
Panasonic Arbitrator: Another good, small, rugged system. Interfaces with the Panasonic Toughbook mobile data terminal(MDT). The Toughbook is basically a laptop with a wireless internet connection. Only problem I've seen with it is the display on the screen. Can be occluded by other windows on the Toughbook being open, reducing the chance the officer will be able to see while he's filling out paperwork and running driver's license and plate info. Comes with option of a hard drive or a solid-state drive (like the memory card in your digital camera). I'm not a big fan of hard drives in vehicles, just because of the chingazos (bumps) they can sometimes take.
Motorola Enforcer: I'm sort of biased toward Motorola. They make some kick-ass products. From cell phones, to two-way radios, to video. Plus I'm a former Motorolan. Yet another kick-ass product from the Galvin family. Comes with a 60GB hard drive and interfaces with their version of the MDT. See above for my thoughts on hard drives in vehicles.
Martel Dash-Hound DH1: POS. Worst system I've ever seen in my life. Let's start with the way it is mounted. Two straps to hold the back in place and on the front...a suction cup that attaches to the windshield. A suction cup? Yup. Damn thing doesn't hold suction either. And with the heat here in Houston if it stays stuck to the windshield it flattens out, therefore losing all its suction capability. That makes it a flying object hazard if you get into an accident, or even hit a decent bump. Secondly, the camera sits directly in the sun. Not a good thing. You know how hot it gets down here? Roll the windows up and leave it in the sun, then turn on the A/C, oh wow...now you've got condensation inside the camera. What a concept. The cameras themselves are a whole other ball of wax. It has two jacks on the side for microphone functions and I'll be damned if they don't fall out. Now the concept of having a camera you can take out to film an accident or crime scene is good in theory, but how often will that really be used? And as for the little control box that's mounted underneath the bracket, well the antenna jacks seem to have a hard time staying soldered in the box. Plus the wiring inside is soldered together pretty shitty. My 7 year-old nephew could have done a better job. All-in-all, if you are considering buying this system, the next time you take a dump wipe your ass with $1400. Then get some more money and go buy a real video system.
Before I took this job, someone ordered these monstrosities because they were cheap, about $1400 per unit. Ever hear the old adage "you get what you pay for"? This is a prime example. Did I mention they're fuckin' junk? Not to mention shitty customer service. They won't even return my calls. Their motto ought to be "Once you buy it, you're on your fuckin' own, pal."
In my business, I've dealt with a few vehicle camera systems.
Kustom Signals' Eyewitness camera: Though rather clunky (got a full sized VCR in a vault in the trunk) and a pain in the ass to install, it's a workhorse and almost impossible to kill. Short of putting a bullet through the damn thing. They even have a vault that is bullet- and fire-proof. They now have a digital system with a rear-facing infrared camera on the headliner mount control panel that can keep an eye on the arrestee(s) in the back seat. Comes with choice of hard drive or DVD drive and have a pretty small front facing camera so it doesn't block your view. They have a lot of options. Plus they look cool. I've never had a problem with these systems, save operator error.
Decatur Electronics Gemini system: It's a good system, it's small and easy to put in and maintain. Just gotta keep the cops from losing the keys to the compartment that houses the recorder. The digital system has a touch screen display, which in my experience is a big no-no. Cops and firefighters are not known for their gentleness with their equipment.
Panasonic Arbitrator: Another good, small, rugged system. Interfaces with the Panasonic Toughbook mobile data terminal(MDT). The Toughbook is basically a laptop with a wireless internet connection. Only problem I've seen with it is the display on the screen. Can be occluded by other windows on the Toughbook being open, reducing the chance the officer will be able to see while he's filling out paperwork and running driver's license and plate info. Comes with option of a hard drive or a solid-state drive (like the memory card in your digital camera). I'm not a big fan of hard drives in vehicles, just because of the chingazos (bumps) they can sometimes take.
Motorola Enforcer: I'm sort of biased toward Motorola. They make some kick-ass products. From cell phones, to two-way radios, to video. Plus I'm a former Motorolan. Yet another kick-ass product from the Galvin family. Comes with a 60GB hard drive and interfaces with their version of the MDT. See above for my thoughts on hard drives in vehicles.
Martel Dash-Hound DH1: POS. Worst system I've ever seen in my life. Let's start with the way it is mounted. Two straps to hold the back in place and on the front...a suction cup that attaches to the windshield. A suction cup? Yup. Damn thing doesn't hold suction either. And with the heat here in Houston if it stays stuck to the windshield it flattens out, therefore losing all its suction capability. That makes it a flying object hazard if you get into an accident, or even hit a decent bump. Secondly, the camera sits directly in the sun. Not a good thing. You know how hot it gets down here? Roll the windows up and leave it in the sun, then turn on the A/C, oh wow...now you've got condensation inside the camera. What a concept. The cameras themselves are a whole other ball of wax. It has two jacks on the side for microphone functions and I'll be damned if they don't fall out. Now the concept of having a camera you can take out to film an accident or crime scene is good in theory, but how often will that really be used? And as for the little control box that's mounted underneath the bracket, well the antenna jacks seem to have a hard time staying soldered in the box. Plus the wiring inside is soldered together pretty shitty. My 7 year-old nephew could have done a better job. All-in-all, if you are considering buying this system, the next time you take a dump wipe your ass with $1400. Then get some more money and go buy a real video system.
Ick
OK, this is just gross. I can actually remember when Madonna was somewhat hot, but now she's just a harping old hag. I mean, I don't mind seeing some cameltoe once in a while but that critter looks like it's been wrecked. Oh, Gawd...I'm getting physically ill just looking at it. You know what looks good on a 47 year-old mother of two? How about dignity. Hang it up. You're washed up and old. I don't care what your religion is. And I don't need to hear you telling me what I need to do or what's cool. That goes for every other Hollywood type. Did I ask you for your opinion? No k thx stfu.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Aftermarket Batteries vs. Impres Batteries
I got an email yesterday from our Assistant Chief regarding a department in Illinois that wanted some advice about whether or not to go with aftermarket batteries, standard Motorola rechargeable NiCd batteries, or the new Impres batteries and chargers. I tried to offer as much advice as I could in the area, and I hope I sufficiently answered their questions.
My thoughts on the matter was to go with the Impres batteries and chargers. Simply for the fact that in the long run it would save their department time and money since the bank chargers automatically recondition the batteries after 90 charging cycles. Granted, the Impres batteries cost almost twice as much, and they'll have to replace their current chargers with the Impress chargers (which are pretty comparable in price). But they don't have to contract with a radio service for reconditioning their batteries, nor do they need to have a substantial amount of spare batteries on hand to accomodate the loss of the batteries during the reconditioning process.
The differences between our departments is this: the majority of our portables are HT1000's (about 225) with about 70 more being the new PR1500. They're using the HT1550-XLS.
I have about 30 of the PR1500's outfitted with the Impres batteries since they are assigned to bank chargers here at HQ. The rest are take-home units or assigned to officers in seperate offices, thus the need still for the NiCd batteries since they're using the single-unit chargers. I've had no problems with the Impres batteries so far, plus I like the fact that I don't have to constantly keep up with the reconditioning of at least those units.
Has anybody ever had any experience with the HT1550-XLS aftermarket batteries? I've heard some don't fit the radio properly, like the contacts don't even line up right. All I've had experience with is those for the HT1000. Interstate's RAD1830 is good, but doesn't fit our radio holders. Alexander's H7143 is a great battery, with a long life and a perfect fit.
Well, at least I got an "Attaboy" for puttin' my $.02 in, and maybe it was some good PR for the department (I hope).
My thoughts on the matter was to go with the Impres batteries and chargers. Simply for the fact that in the long run it would save their department time and money since the bank chargers automatically recondition the batteries after 90 charging cycles. Granted, the Impres batteries cost almost twice as much, and they'll have to replace their current chargers with the Impress chargers (which are pretty comparable in price). But they don't have to contract with a radio service for reconditioning their batteries, nor do they need to have a substantial amount of spare batteries on hand to accomodate the loss of the batteries during the reconditioning process.
The differences between our departments is this: the majority of our portables are HT1000's (about 225) with about 70 more being the new PR1500. They're using the HT1550-XLS.
I have about 30 of the PR1500's outfitted with the Impres batteries since they are assigned to bank chargers here at HQ. The rest are take-home units or assigned to officers in seperate offices, thus the need still for the NiCd batteries since they're using the single-unit chargers. I've had no problems with the Impres batteries so far, plus I like the fact that I don't have to constantly keep up with the reconditioning of at least those units.
Has anybody ever had any experience with the HT1550-XLS aftermarket batteries? I've heard some don't fit the radio properly, like the contacts don't even line up right. All I've had experience with is those for the HT1000. Interstate's RAD1830 is good, but doesn't fit our radio holders. Alexander's H7143 is a great battery, with a long life and a perfect fit.
Well, at least I got an "Attaboy" for puttin' my $.02 in, and maybe it was some good PR for the department (I hope).
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
My Little Blue Eyes
I love my boy. Sometimes he can be fussy as all hell, but overall he's a cute little man and I'm glad that he's here. He was born 8/25/05 at 0724. He finally came out after 2 days of labor induction since he was already a week overdue. He weighed 6 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches long. As of his 2 month check-up, the little chunky monkey is now 23 inches and a whopping 13-1/2 lbs. That was 2 weeks ago, and he hasn't slowed down on his eating either. But that's a good thing. Now if we could only get him to stop fighting so hard not to go to sleep...
Monday, November 14, 2005
R.I.P. Latino Heat
I read this morning that Eddie "Latino Heat" Guerrero was found dead in his Minneapolis hotel room yesterday morning. He was 38 years old. He left behind a wife and 3 daughters. Anybody who knows me knows I love to watch rasslin'. Eddie was cool as hell. There will never be anyone who can replace him, and he will be sorely missed. The story is here.
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